Thursday, June 25, 2015

Bring On The Rain

For the past 4 days, we have been living in a camp fire..... literally.  There are so many things about living in Alaska that are unique. One of the unique things is that in the summer, our state burns up. There are currently over 100 fires in our state. And those fires have engulfed our air with smoke. It is wretched and pretty nasty. I would like it to stop. Please, bring on the rain... no lightning please. That is how some of this mess started.

It's been several months, so much has, and continues to happen in our home, family, and lives. One of the most significant is that our girls remain with us. The goal remains reunification, but there is no date set for that to happen. Nothing looms over our home.... just uncertainty for them, and as a result, us. We are approaching the one year anniversary of their arrival, and I must say, that there is something powerful about one year. For me, after a year, my guards, which are pretty strong and resistant, come down. I no longer keep the children, emotionally, at arms length. I can no longer picture our home without these two girls in it. I am not sure any of us, including the girls, would survive a permanent separation. The thought breaks my heart into million of pieces. No matter how much The Lord grows me up in my walk, I find myself trying to barter with God for these children to remain. I plead not just with a broken heart.... but approach Him with a "let's make a deal" attitude. Am I alone in this? It's pretty embarrassing to admit. Here is a loving and good God who says to His children.... come, and talk to me..... and I, mostly wait, till I need something.... and I come with the notion that I may have something to offer...... and really, my pleading is often times, for my own heart, not to break again. He hears... He listens..... He comforts... He is faithful..... But He does not play "let's make a deal" with me.

Right there, next to the drama that surrounds our case with the girls..... is a life changing even that occurred on Friday June, 19th......I wondered if some of the crazy that I felt over the case with the girls, would somehow overshadow the complete joy and miracle that had finally arrived... the adoption of our son. As I share this, tears flow, freely. I don't deserve this little one's love, but he has chosen to give it to me. He is our son.....IT IS LEGAL..... though he has been in our home, for almost two years.... adoption day is really a miracle. It is the difference between being engaged, and having the ceremony, signing the paperwork... standing before an official... and making it legal!! Being married, is way better. And in my heart, there is the assurance that he is ours. We have many bumps in the road, but he wants to be ours. He accepts and has taken his place boldly, much to his older sister's disapproval (our 7 year old is not adopted, so the day was full of many emotions for her, and sometimes, she seems to demand that he acknowledge her in the hierarchy of birth order). The day was full of many friends and some family..... Our church family stepped in and blessed us, simply by sharing the day. There is this strong desire to have your child, who came in with much brokenness.... see, visually, how very much they are loved..... and it was beautiful. We finished the day with a BBQ. The kids all waded in the kiddy pool, played on the swings, and snuck in a zip line ride.

Oh, and we also had two more kiddo's join our home,  right after court. They are not permanent. They should be quite temporary. And we are all adjusting to 8. Sleeping is a tad bit touch and go.... there is a lot of repeating and food issues galore....I am praying for these littles.... the first few weeks are traumatizing, with just them being away from everything they know and that is familiar. They are effected.... and I have no answers for them. And we now have to use 2 cars, if we want to go anywhere.

Also, we may be getting licensed through TCC.... to take in placements. It would mean, instead of going and dealing with the state. We would be dealing with the tribes directly. We know we are not the preferred placement, but I wonder, if dealing with the tribes, is the better idea!!! Will let you know................. Pin It Now!