The Life of Change

Life has evolved and changed. We had a litter of Goldendoodle puppies, this summer. My husband built a shed and redid our living room fireplace. It looks amazing, and heats our home dramatically more. We also took on 2 more children, bringing our total to 7 children. In the beginning of August we brought in 2 more girls, into our home. So we had a 10m, 16m. 4, 6,7,9,10 year olds in our family.

Yesterday that changed. The little girl that we got 11 months ago, left the state. We knew it was a very real possibility from the beginning. She had family that wanted her, out of state. But we had a connection to her mom because a cousin had adopted her sister and nephew. We became very attached and she began calling us mommy and daddy. The move would have been easier, if we believed she was going into a loving home. Her mom contested the placement. She took the case before a judge. We had the placement move draw out for a month. It was hard. I heard the judge say that he wanted to keep the child with us, but the law mandated that he place in a home where she was with biological family. Even after her mom took the stand and voiced her concerns, and fought to place her daughter, where she believed it would be best for her. It didn't matter. I cried. I cried that she could not say where her daughter should go. As I type this, I relieve the court scene. The trauma of hearing him say that they do this all the time. All the time?? That is awful!!

The next day, after we knew it was going to be our last moments with her, we were able to take our little girl to the state building, where we spent 2 hours with her mother, and us. Our kids played, we talked, and I left sobbing. I was able to thank her mother for letting us love her. I regret nothing. But it hurts. I can cry over the pain, easily. I miss her little chipmunk giggle. I miss her random screams. I miss her reaching for me. I miss her random "mommy" calls. I miss holding her. She would drool when she was mad, and crying.... and though I never thought I would say this.... I miss that too.

I decided to write, because it has always helped. And today, the day after we said goodbye, I need something to help. I still hold out a glimmer of hope, that something miraculous can happen.... and maybe she'll come back to us.... maybe. God has been known to part waters for His children. Who knows?

Until then, I am going to try to have our independent home study completed. We started it, many months back. We are also in the beginning of getting our home study to adopt our first son. It has been a long journey. But I know that it could have been a lot more rocky, than it has been. I will write about our journey with him, next time. Pin It Now!